Health is gold

Ive been very sick for the past week and today is my 8th day of MC. Finally recovering and feeling more alive. The past 10 days have taught me that there is a time for everything. A time to be a superwoman and a time for rest.


And as I reflect on my past year, after accepting this job offer this is my 2nd time ive fallen very ill. The job requires lots of travels, training (talking) and outdoor work which puts me at a higher risk if I don't drink enough water and get enough rest.


Helping out at the kids ministry on Saturdays did not help as im busy during weekdays and yet I have to stay up till late at night on Friday just preparing lessons. On days im too tired, I fall asleep and wake up the next morning earlier just to complete the lesson. I rarely(almost never) have time for lunch on Saturdays and after everything is over I just come home at 5pm for a nap and there goes Saturday.


Probably the body couldn't take it anymore and everything just crashed. I started feeling chills on Sunday (10/5) afternoon. Took a nap and woke up with a splitting headache. Decided to go to the doctor and they said I had tonsillitis. Doctor gave me Monday off and some antibiotics. Come Tuesday(12/5), the fever was not going away. Visited the doctor again and he suggested a blood test since it was fever day 3. Fearful for needles I reluctantly said yes to his suggestion. I was calm and cool enough to not make a single sound during the drawing of blood. Results out in a few minutes. Platelet was borderline at 159 vs normal range of 150-450. Changed antibiotics and I thought I would be better soon.


Apparently the nightmare have not ended. Thursday(14/5) and im still having the fever. Went back to the clinic for yet another blood test. Platelet have further drop below normal at 126. Thankfully the dengue test turned out negative. Doctor says its just bacterial and viral infection and nothing to worry. Since it wasn't dengue we thought it would heal soon and we had made plans for Singapore over the weekend for cousin's wedding.


Horribly, the fever did not go away. Only suppressed by Panadol within the 4 hours of its effect.. By Sunday(17/5) I have taken 30 tablets of 650mg Panadol over the course of 7 days. Mum says its time to stop. I cannot be depending on Panadol anymore. Was suppose to stay on for work but body would not allow, so bought my ticket home on Sunday night.


Went to see the family physician on Monday morning(18/5) and waited for 2 hours. Finally it was my turn and he says this fever is taking too long. He can only refer me to the hospital. So fine, I was referred to Damansara Specialist hospital. Another hour of wait for another blood test to be taken. Finally some good news. Platelet have gone back to normal but lymphocyte count is still below normal. The body is still fighting the bacterial infection :( Doctor concluded that I was attacked by a Viral infection then a bacterial infection. Plus the immune system is weak so it takes longer than usual to heal.

I have coughed so much my tummy aches and my head is heavy.

Conclusion, body crashed on me. Time to have more work life balance and to say no to things I cant cope with anymore. Value health, value life :)

dry.

Everytime i find, i find an excuse.
Maybe there was no choice, maybe it was necessary?
Today i have ran out.
It just gets more painful and heavy.

Even through the rain, the rainbow appears after

You tend to remember the existence of your blog during the down periods of your life. It happened when i was 21, and i probably feel it coming in 25.

I thought i had overcome. I thought i am stronger. But the scar will forever be a scar. And now it feels like the stitches are loose and the pain flows through.

No appetite.
Just want to be alone.
No reason to smile.
Feeling suffocated.
Tears flowing like a river.

This definitely were the symptoms. And its happening again.

Teach me to love myself more.

History repeats

The heart aches tonight. 

Tell me its not worth it.

Yesterday.

Yesterday was October 2011 revisited.

Happy Valentines & Chap Goh Mei :)

Suffering is an option. Happiness is a choice

Submission, grace and a test.

Many months have passed from the last blog post. Indeed many things have come and go.

Trip to UK. Check!

Its another year come and almost gone. What have i achieved?

In terms of career, i guess its been kindda successful. Got a promotion in May, several job offers and now a job offer from Singapore. It probably is one of the easiest yet hardest decision to make. Its easy coz money is good so why think more. Hard because is this really where i want to go? Is this where God is calling me to go? Can i deal with leaving home again? all this thoughts flash by me, gave me a few moodless days and after much preparation for the interview, the interview wasnt that great. Right, so it seemed like a waste of money and a waste of one stupid unpaid leave. Was pretty upset coz it felt like ive disappointed my family and worst of all, i felt awful about myself. Got by the 2 crazy down days and was ready to work for Baker's for at least another year and BAM! Singapore drops the offer! So God what are you telling me? First you gave me the interview that seemed so impossible, then the last minute zero fare then it didnt turn out well then you drop the offer but the pay sucks. So how?

Well, today's message hit me. It says in Job 22:21

"Submit to God and be at peace with him, i this way prosperity will come to you."

Pastor went on to say "When you are willing to submit, God's grace abounds but there is a test". That was went it hit me, I had a hate and love relationship with my current job and was preparing to leave, God knew my desire and gave me this offer in Singapore, everything went well then it didnt go too well because i was beginning to depend on myself, so after 2 days i submitted to God, told him i will follow where he brings me to, if this is not the place to go then im ok to stay in Baker's, but God's grace abounds so he drops the offer but the test is the salary and probably the consideration of my various ministries and things i have to leave behind in Malaysia.

 Honestly i dont have an answer but i do know i have the peace. Sent my justification for a higher pay to singapore and now i just need to wait. If they agree, i probably will take up the offer, but if not i will take it as a close door opportunity. God has been good to make this quite clear cut:)

I cannot thank God enough for the many blessings he have poured out in my life this year. Small or big.

Thank you for teaching me how to see the small details in life.

Freedom weekend

I enjoy reading my past blog posts. It reminds me what ive gone through and reflects how much ive grown. Keep reminding myself to blog more often, but never find time or the mood to do so. Here i am lying on my bed in my new room, more privacy, a chance to write what i feel and think.

Work is starting to ease after the big grand meeting we had on monday. Done up a 20 minutes presentation, feeling awesomely proud with the amount of hard work done and put in. Its crazy from looking for the license to going for market surveys, dealing with chefs, thinking of product names and description, doing write ups and getting the ingredient list done. Not as easy as it seemed but i survived! Ohhh not forgetting all the chocolate plate issues. Im just so excited at how well this brand will sell:) hehe!

Ill be taking care of the Baker's Cottage and Bakington booth at Jusco one utama, so if you want to buy mooncakes come drop by my booth ok. Say your Esther's friend so that ill know you came by!

So ive moved in to the new place for 3 weeks now and sometimes its still hard to believe i live here. My room, feels like a hotel with its long thick curtains. Ive been very hardworking cleaning and making my bed every morning! heh! Pity i am always so busy i don have much time to just rest all day. Weekends are filled with church commitments.

Titled this post freedom weekend, coz JT is away at Fraser's for the weekend, and i keep telling him whatever happens this weekend not counted. HAHA. Just being cheeky, but i guess its good time for him to be away. Have to go to church for kids ministry then im off shopping! Its been awhile since ive done that and excited to some splurge for myself.LOL.

Anyways, need to get going now, need to vacuum the room and shower!

Here's a picture of my room:)

much love <3 p="">

Random memory criss cross

Today made me realise how much i miss you. If and only if....

In that still quiet corner

Its been awhile now since i last updated the blog. Tried to blog more often but time seems to crowd in and i always end up just wanting rest, sleep and more sleep. Work is crazy with so much checklists, documents to prepare, calls to make, running around the office getting things done. But im excited. Actually very excited because i have been given the honour of handling and taking charge of my company's new brand. I started from zero and now launching is near. Things are almost done and im just super excited to see how it turns out. Did a write up on the brand today and boss gave me a "good write up" and "good job". Satisfied coz he gave me the task at about 11pm and wanted it by 3pm.Sacrificed lunch time for that. Was super stressed out because im no good in marketing plans and making it sound interesting and hard sell, it felt like uni assignments all over just that no grades just ok or fail. but well i think i did pretty well in the end. Only through God's help:)

Besides, i got a promotion:P Its weird because just days before the promotion i was starting to look for jobs. Thought maybe should move on next year and when i got called for an interview, i was told of the promotion. Is that a sign from God to say its not time yet? i dont know...But im thankful:) Hard work paid off!

Finally switch on the laptop after a few months now and was scrolling through the past emails. Lotsa much loved emails and very encouraging emails. Awesome people im blessed with. Its funny how things turn out to be now but i guess we all grow up and learn to move on. We dont stop loving, we just find new ways to keep living. It was painful when you left, and it still sometimes hurt. Not because im dwelling in it, but the thought of the pain, the amount of tears that flowed, the world that fell apart on me and how God showed me His love and thought me how to love myself more just makes me wanna cry because im touched. Girls, complicated arent they?

Oh and i went for my first citizen task:) Look like an aunty but who cares la, i thought since its like a government thing must wear long long but not true lor, wear as short as possible nobody say anything.LOL

hello:)

Hello fellow readers.

I wonder if any of you still visit my blog. The blogging aura seemed to have left me a year ago and still have not return. oh wells, its about time i made an interesting come back. BUT i do not promise there will be updates after this. lol.

Life have been exciting so far. Settling down at work. Being an all new kai ma and yes being in a new relationship.

Probably start with relationship? (Thats what everyone wants to know eh?) We have been pretty low profile about it, so dont bother finding the pics on fb.

So yeah, i met this special someone a year ago. Technically we have been friends on fb since 2008 but yeah really got to know each other about a year. Amazingly, we clique, we both love kids, we both love God, we both found what we want in our significant other, sparks flew and a fire lit :P

It wasnt the typical i flirt with you, you flirt with me kind coz we both were so normal we both couldnt tell one liked the other. *usually im quite quick at suspecting but boy was he one tough cookie. Somehow there was some drama with a fan of his and that was how we realised the feelings existed.

Words a side, i bet you are screaming just show me the face lah. LOL




okok here you go...

Introducing J.T Tan

Below was taken today. Face enlarged due to bad angle but i think we both look happy so i shall sacrifice the fat face:P

He's funny, cute, mature, 2 yrs older, listens to my dressing advice, reminds me to pray for our food, pampers me, lovable, learning to stand up for me and most of all likes to cam whore :P