Life,the last few weeks was like sitting on a roller coaster(imagine the part where you go down vertically), i was going down so fast into that deep deep valley. Things started to change and the devil took over. I became full of myself. I was quick to anger and everything came out selfish and not right. If you talked to me, i would secretly think you only care about your self and want to suck up all the advantage you can from me.
I didnt want to go for life group and would make excuses and find all possible reasons to skip lifegroup and church. If people asked about lifegroup, i would tell you that my life dont revolve around lifegroup. I dont have to go all the time. I have a life and can do what i like. Everything started coming out ugly and it felt so hard to love others.
Last night, shepherd talk to sheep and said very encouraging things. It then struck me, why am i doing this? Why am i worrying about my assignments, having slacky attitudes and starting to hate people? Did it satisfy myself? Yeah at some point it did, but that satisfaction did not last long. Soon after im back to being selfish and all the ugly started coming again.This morning i started doing my assignment but it felt too much to handle so i went to the city for some retail therapy. Sorted some things out and came home refreshed. Finished what i wanted to achieve and went for prayer meeting.
Prayer meeting spoke right through my heart. All this while i was without God. God cares and love me..If he can love me for who i am, why cant i love others too. If God can see the beauty in me, why cant i see the beauty in others? I have to repent. I want to replace that ugliness ive develop to something beautiful.
I was reminded by my goals. Early this year, i told myself...i want to grow.. i want to rise up..i want to step out of my comfort zone..I WANT TO LIVE LIFE BEAUTIFULLY and As i look around.. my ex housemates have grown so much..have become leaders and shepherds in their own way. ME??? Making a beautiful disaster.. Still there, being selfish and always wanting to be cared for. Having that childish thought of if you dont care, so do i and i wont come for lifegroup. This has to stop and i must say, i feel extremely refreshed.
From today i will put you first, God... and i know that when i do, all things fall into place at your perfect timing.
"You sound like a new person:)" (Joanne,2010)
Have you gone astray? Come back to HIM today! :D
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